The texting life of sherlock holmes and co
by millypink
Summary: This is the texting life of sherlock holmes and friends, welcome to the quirky world of texting in london!
1. Chapter 1

_**Hello! This is my second fic so be nice! Rules are don't like don't read….. **_

_**SORRY about any bad grammar I'm not the best writer :-[ please review !**_

_**TA !XXX **_

_**Oh yes this fic is about the texting life of Sherlock Holmes! **_

**Texts between and at 10.34am 6th**** January **.

_Bored- SH_

_So?- JW _

_Can you pass me a pen?- SH _

_No I'm at work, get one your self …-JW_

_John I'm bored-SH_

_SHERLOCK I HAVE A PATIENT GET LOST-JW_

_I cant get lost, I am no where near you so it is THEORETICALLY impossible -SH _

_Sorry I forgot about that - JW _

_You aren't very fluent in sarcasm XX- SH _

_DAMN YOU!- JW_

_Love you too john -SH _

_BYE- SH _

**Texts between and Lestrade at 10.38am 6****th**** January **

_Any cases-SH_

_Non that will interest, why?- L_

_Bored - SH_

_AHHH - L _

_Any not exiting cases but ok ones, not like butlers killing their masters but real crime? - SH _

_Erm, Sherlock murder is a real crime?- L_

_Butlers have an excuse they are treated like shit, I should know- SH _

_How?- L_

_Family- SH_

_Ok - L _

_Bye - L_

_Bored- SH _

**Texts between and mrs Hudson at 10.53am 6****th**** January **

_Sherlock - MRS.H_

_Mrs Hudson? You have a phone?-SH_

_Yes I follow the trends and buy the hip fashion stuff you know skin tight jeans and leotards, never mind about me I have a bone to pick with you! - MRS.H _

_OH NO - SH _

_Well I found a hand in my larder and a head in the fridge! I wont stand for this Sherlock, I mean it ! Plus holes in the wall! - MRS.H _

_Sorry mrs Hudson- SH _

_Sorry wont do it, I'm confiscating your skull! For a week- MRS.H _

_NOOOOOOOOO!- SH_

_PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE ,PLEASE, HAVE MERCY, PLEASE MRS HUDSON I BE ALL BY MY SELF OTHER WISE! JOHNS AT WORK AND I'LL HAVE NO ONE TO TALK TO!- SH_

_Bye- MRS.H _

_NO!- SH_

_**Hope you enjoyed this I will update soon! Remember reviews are like cupcakes I like cupcakes! Thank you !**_


	2. Chapter 2

**Hello! Welcome to chapter 2! Reviews are like candy, and I like candy! THANK YOU AND… **

… **TA !XXX **

_**Texts between and 5.30pm 6**__**th**__** January **_

_Sherlock, let me in the flat- JW _

_No - SH _

_SHERLOCK LET ME IN… -JW _

_LIFE ISN'T WORTH LIVING…- SH _

_Has mrs Hudson taken your skull?- JW _

_YES! I'M SO ALONE!-SH _

_How many patches do you have on? - JW_

_8-SH _

_Sherlock take them off, they only unsettle you. One or two maybe three patches ok eight and you will get high then drop low, I see that you have hit rock bottom but let me in or I will ring Mycroft believe me I will- JW _

_NOT MYCROFT!- SH _

_Open the door then- JW_

_Fine :-{ -SH _

_Where are you?- JW_

_On the roof- SH _

_**Texting between and 9.30pm 6**__**th**__** January **_

_Hello baby brother!- MH_

_Piss off Mycroft- SH _

_Oh so rash! Is that how you are always going to great your big brother? are we ok after your experience of rock bottom? My team tells me that you are running out of nicotine patches too-MH _

_Once again piss of- SH_

_Oh poor John having to cope with you and your swings! - MH_

_How is your diet going Mycroft?- SH_

_Good, good I found a new one very successful fair enjoying it - MH _

_What the African child diet? Eat as much as a African child in the day then pig out like a African king very good diet Mycroft - SH _

_Oh HAHAHAHAHA that is hilarious Sherlock I do like your sense of humour oh LOL!- MH_

_There is no brining you down today, capture a country too, or over thrown the Libyan government? Oh well I'll find something to do…- SH _

_And any way who uses the word lol apart from the mentally deprived teens ,honestly - SH _

_Well I am your hip and funky older brother- MH _

_Of course my dear, you are "hip" and " funky" brother of course of course, of course.- SH _

_What are you up to - MH_

_Nothing, nothing at all - SH _

_WHAT DID YOU DO TO MY CAMERA - MH _

_I don't known what your talking about big brother-SH _

_You know perfectly well what you have done put that camera back up! - MH _

_SORRY DEAR IM LOW ON BATTERY HAVE TO GO TA RA ! -SH _

_Sherlock come back…- MH _

_Sherlock , Erm Sherlock - MH_

_Fix the camera by tomorrow or else dinner at mummy's will be arranged - MH _

**Reviews are appreciated! Like candy or cupcakes! **


	3. Chapter 3

**Hello again! 3****rd**** chapter coming up hope you like so….**

…**TA! XXX and thank you Noelle M. for the reviews! **

_**Texts between and I. Adler at 1.31am 7**__**th**__** January **_

_Hey Shirley pie! - IA_

_Hello Irene - SH_

_How are we honey?-IA_

_BORED-SH _

_Awwww do you want me to come round and visit? - IA _

_No - SH_

_Ok then I'll be round in the hour see you then!-IA_

_Irene I said no, you aren't coming round - SH _

_naked. I wont let it happen again. You aren't coming round. -SH_

_And John's in so Why :-[ -IA _

_Because last time you "came round" you drugged me, hand cuffed me to a bed and left me HAHAHAHAHA ! -SH _

_He isn't he's at Sarah's I saw him go! XX - IA_

_ARE YOU STALKING ME? - SH_

_NO! I just follow you and hack into Mycroft's s surveillance system - IA_

_Still not coming. Stalker. - SH _

_Already here! - IA_

_The doors locked - SH_

_I'll pick it - IA _

_Erm I'm playing hide and seek!- SH _

_Ready or not here I come!- IA _

_Found you!- IA _

_Damn women- SH_

_I thought I was the woman? - IA _

_Once again damn you and you illegal ways! And I am sure its illegal to drug and handcuff people to the beds! I even asked Lestrade! HAHAHAHAHA - SH_

_He wont know what we're doing ;D - IA _

_HELP- SH _

_**Texts between and Lestrade at 6.36 am 7**__**th**__** January **_

_Lestrade? Do all hand cuff have the same key? - SH _

_Piss of I'm sleeping Sherlock - L_

_NO! this is dire, I have been drugged hand cuffed to my bed stripped and left in my own flat! and the question is do you have keys to open hand cuffs ? And will you help the worlds best consulting detective get out of a pickle? - SH _

_Shut up- L _

_I cant shut up! Because I am not talking but texting, people don't grab the context of this do they? Come on it's a simple term so it cant be that difficult! - SH _

_Lestrade are you still their? - SH _

_Lestrade - SH _

_LESTRADE - SH _

_HELP ME PLEASE - SH _

_**Texts between and Sarah at 7.01am 7**__**th**__** January **_

_Sarah where is john he isn't picking up his phone?- SH _

_With me. Why? - Sar_

_Tell him that he needs to come home now! - SH _

_Kinda busy… - Sar _

_Please this is urgent! - SH _

_Hello Sherlock this is john on Sarah's phone I Kinda cant come due to the fact Sarah tied me to the bed after she drugged me, and she took my phone, help me old boy! - Sar _

_Good you see my predicament, I to am in that position, not by Sarah but Irene, sorry I cant help but I good to know that some poor sod is feeling the way I do- SH _

_JOHN again, this is getting quite emotional isn't it Shirley!- Sar _

_YES IT IS! I think it may be the side affects of the drugs, I don't know but I also feel very emotional. I want a hug! ;D - SH _

_ME TOO! - Sar _

_THIS IS SARAH ! SHERLOCK STOP ACTING GAY! IT DOESN'T SUITE YOU! AN NEITHER EMOTIONAL!, GO AWAY! X - Sar_

_Fine I'll ask mrs Hudson she will be more understanding, than Sarah! And Lestrade! I disown you all, good bye dear john adios, XXX- SH _

**that's it for now! Reviews are really tasty! Like cup cakes! Will Sherlock escape? Find out soon…**


	4. Chapter 4

**Hola! Thank you for the reviews I have received! They where very tasty! Like virtual cup cakes! THANK YOU TO ALL! Especially x-Pick'n'Mix-x who shone light on my old fic which was at the back of the computering cupboard, covered in dust lost in the vast space of the lap top… so thank you loads! **

_**Texts between and Mrs Hudson at 9.08am 7**__**th**__** January **_

_Mrs Hudson -SH_

_Mrs Hudson please, please pick up - SH _

_What do you want Sherlock I am at my samba class and Hulio is waiting for me?- MRS.H _

_Hulio? Never mind I'm in a bit of pickle and really need your help…- SH_

_I cant dear, really I cant, well sambas on for another hour and then its yoga then theirs bingo at 4.00 so I cant really and truly- MRS.H _

_PLEASE WITH KISSES - SH _

_Really Sherlock you cant be that tied up- MRS.H_

_Believe me mrs Hudson you have no idea- SH _

_Cant you ring john if its that important- MRS.H _

_HE'S TIED UP TOO! - SH _

_SORRY dear I am not your nanny and this is not my problem, call Mycroft. -MRS.H _

_NO!, he will think I need him and is dependent on him…- SH _

_Well you do need him- MRS.H _

_GOT TO DASH DEAR HULIO'S TAKING ME TO BURLESQUE CLASS! X.X.X.X.- MRS.H _

_Mrs Hudson help me please! - SH _

_Now I HAVE to ring Mycroft- SH _

_Or not - SH _

_**Texts between and Mummy at 11.00am 7**__**th**__** January **_

_Mummy?- SH_

_Sherlock, darling how are you! Xxxx. - MUMMY _

_Erm, a tad tied up- SH _

_OH DEAR, have you been arrested again?- MUMMY _

_No but I am in hand cuffs…- SH _

_Have you been kidnapped? Oh my dear child, one of my own kidnapped, I could swoon!- MUMMY _

_Mummy if you haven't noticed but every year I am kidnapped by your other dear son, to go to dinner with you. And no mummy I haven't been kidnapped. But just hand cuffed to my bed. And stripped, oh and drugged.- SH_

_Oh well that doesn't sound too bad, I did it to your father once, left him in a hotel too….- MUMMY _

_DON'T NEED TO KNOW THAT, WAY TOO MUCH INFORMATION- SH _

_Sorry dear- MUMMY _

_Why don't you ring Mycroft he's good in these situations- MUMMY _

_NO - SH _

_Why dear- MUMMY _

_Because he is an fat, so and so and cant keep his nose out of other peoples business especially mine, he spies on me…. And john - SH _

_SOOOOO, you and john are an item? - Mummy _

_No, no , no , no, no, no, no, no, no! how could you think that! Your only son gay! -SH _

_Sherlock you do have a brother - MUMMY _

_Please tell me now that you had an affair and that he's not my real brother, well half brother or you adopted him from the poor house? This would greatly please me - SH _

_Sherlock you and your antics! - MUMMY _

_Will you help me then? - SH _

_Sorry cant! I Am at the jam making society for upper class women on the outskirts of London and the country side! So the J.M.S.F.U.C.W.O.T.O.O.L.A.T.C.S! But we call it gossip time ! - MUMMY _

_Fine - SH _

_Enjoy making jam- SH _

_I will dear! Well today we are making marmalade, I'll ask Mycroft to drop you of a jar! - mummy _

_Yay! Cant wait mother - SH _

_RING YOUR BROTHER HE WILL HELP YOU! - MUMMY _

_BYE- SH _

**Well that all folks! ! ! ! ! ! ! Review pleaseXXX**

**TA! XXXX **


	5. Chapter 5

**Hello! I hope you are liking this so far. Thank you for all reviews! Oh yes I forgot to say I sadly don't own Sherlock or john or any of the characters but only using them for entertainment purposes! **

_**Texts between and at 12.03pm 7th**__** January **_

_Mycroft? - SH_

_AHHHH! Brother I was wondering when you would ring, in a bit of a predicament you are in Sherlock, I suppose you will want my help?- MH_

_Shut up- SH_

_You know perfectly well I cant, because I am not talking but texting, HAHAHAHAHA!- MH_

_You stole that off me - SH _

_OH its so good to get you back- MH _

_Wait till I get out of these hand cuffs. :C - SH _

_That may take some time- MH_

_What the hell do you mean?- SH_

_I might leave you a tad longer - MH_

_No- SH_

_Sorry David's calling, needs help running the country. - MH_

_So you are going to leave you little brother to freeze to death in his own home while you play tidally winks with the prime minister - SH_

_FINE I DISOWN YOU TOO! - SH_

_Is this the drugs talking Sherlock? - MH _

_Most likely… - SH _

_More like defiantly , LOL! - MH _

_don't say that word, I mean it Mycroft, it means little old ladies, really it does Irene told me and she doesn't lie never, well on the odd occasion, like when she spiked my tea and wine and my Gladstone, oh well! - SH_

_Those drugs miss Adler used have a lot of side affects, your up and down like a yoyo. You used to be like this when you where about three, dried fruit honestly that made you loopy and when we said no more you gave a puppy kicked look!- MH _

_ARE YOU GOING TO HELP ME? - SH _

_Ok, I'll send some one round in about 12 minutes - MH _

_Thank you - SH _

_Oh yes by the way mummy has some marmalade for you I'll send that round too- MH_

_We sound so civil - SH_

_We do - MH_

_I really don't like this - SH _

_NOR ME - MH _

_Back to arguing - SH _

_Life's more interesting like that - MH _

_I HATE YOU MYCROFT HOLMES GO FALL DOWN A RABBIT HOLE AND FALL INTO WONDERLAND AND GO HAVE TEA WITH ALICE!- SH_

_GO JUMP IN THE THAMES SHERLOCK HOLMES! - MH_

_I DID THAT YESTERDAY- SH _

_?- MH _

**Thank you for all reviews they are all appreciated and my heart fluttered when I read them! Bye, bye X.X.X.X **


	6. Chapter 6

**Hello! People of this world, and others! Thank you for reviews they help me a lot! If you want to put any ideas down in the, you can I'm really open to ideas! - thank you ! XXX oh yeh and this chapter for DarknessDrought whom is cool!**

_**Texts between and Molly Hooper at 9.14am 8**__**th**__** January**_

_Bored- SH_

_Morning Sherlock, how are you ? - Molly H. _

_Bored - SH _

_Ok? Are you going to St. barts today? - Molly H. _

_Maybe if there's some interesting bodies, murders preferably. Or do you have any one donated I have a new riding crop, and want to try it out. Its either a dead man or my evil ,fat ,crude ,spying brother, you be the judge - SH _

_Well we have one donated and a suicide so you can choose - Molly H. _

_Good, less bored- SH _

_Erm, Erm, Sherlock would you like to get coffee after my shift? I mean you don't have to go but I thought maybe… - Molly H. _

_Sorry molly john and I are going out to night, he thought I needed a few drinks to celebrate the completion of the great game, oh have you heard from Jim from I.T support , you know the gay one? - SH _

_Oh it doesn't matter about coffee, maybe another time? - Molly H. _

_What about Jim? - SH_

_Well, I broke it off and he must have been so upset, because he quit his job! - Molly H._

_I expected that- SH _

_What does that mean? - Molly H. _

_Never mind - SH_

_Sherlock got to go, new body just come in BYE! XXX- Molly H._

_Good bye molly- SH _

**SOOOOO, Sorry for such a short chapter. Next one will be longer, just have writers block but, coffee will help, hopefully. Thank you for reviews and ideas! Thank you! **


	7. Chapter 7

**Hello, sorry again for the really short chapter 6, and this may be short too ****L**** thank you for reviews. **

_**Texts between and 1.00am 9**__**th**__** January **_

_You never text back…- JM _

_Well you did try to blow me and my flat mate up - SH_

_Its all in the game rules - JM _

_Where can I get a copy of these * rules* - SH _

_I have two copies ;) - JM _

_GO FIND ANOTHER SOCIOPATH TO SPREAD YOUR GAY WAYS ON - SH _

_I'm not gay, straight with bi tendency's - JM _

_Same thing - SH_

_Not really - JM _

_Shut up - SH_

_I cant I'm texting not talking! - JM _

_I WISH __**PEOPLE **__WOULD __**STOP HACKING MY PHONE **__AND __**READING MY MESSAGES **__IN MY __**PRIVATE INBOX **__- SH _

_I didn't hack your phone, I hacked your brothers - JM _

_He's a government official! He works with the prime minister! How the hell did you do that and if so can I use it? - SH_

_I have my ways, and no Shirley I wont tell you - JM_

_BASTARD - SH_

_Got to dash places to go people to kill… - JM _

… _SEE YOU SOON X x X - JM_

_Damn you- SH _

**Sorry for such short chapters! Writers block is attacking me and coffee isn't helping ****L**** more will come thank you for reviews! Xxx**


	8. Chapter 8

**Hello! Thank you for reviews! They are my food, my water, my life and my love! Thank you and enjoy! **

_**Text between and at 3.56am 9th**__**march**_

_John I found my phone! =] =] =] - SH _

_God Sherlock its 4 in the morning, piss off. - JW_

_OH but I really want to talk to you john, and I was so exited that I found my tickle,ickle phoney woney!- SH _

_And its 3.56 HAHAHAHAHA- SH _

_Wow Sherlock you go bond with your phone whilst I sleep - JW _

_AHHH jumper john please talk to me! - SH_

_Fine, ok , fine I will talk to you. - JW _

_Go ahead- SH_

_Where was your phone?- JW _

_In the toastie machine!- SH_

_You mean the toasted sandwich machine? - JW _

_YUS! - SH _

_1. How did it get there, 2. What where you thinking 3. I thought Gladstone ate it?- JW _

_Well I was doing a experiment- SH _

_Nothing new their then - JW _

_AND I needed to put my phone and I saw the toastie machine and it was the right size and shape so I put it in and I forgot about it and I found it when I was learning the inner working of the said machine and found it about 7 minutes and 34, 35 , 36, 37 , 38 seconds ago and it now about 43 and you get the point of this- SH_

_You put a phone in a electronic machine, which cooks bread and cheese and other savouries - JW_

_Yes is that ok? - SH _

_NO! WE HAVE TO USE THAT TOASTIE MACHINE AND EAT FOOD THAT COMES FROM IT , I MEAN COME ON SHERLOCK HOW DUMB CAN YOU GET!- JW_

_It wasn't that dumb - SH _

_Says the man who didn't know that the earth went round the sun - JW_

_PLEASE drop that it was one small and at that very small mistake, and who really uses this in real life? - SH _

_Oh lord - JW _

_**Texts between and Mrs Hudson at 10.12am 9**__**th**__** march **_

_Mrs Hudson what's Nutella? - SH _

_Well I am lead to believe that is a mixture of chocolate and hazel nuts in a little jar and its popular on toast and sports man biscuits. - MRS.H_

_Ok I'll john to get some.- SH _

_You shouldn't use him as a slave you know. He cares for you, he understands you and puts up with your whims and ways- MRS.H _

_I have never thought of it like that, he does understand me…- SH _

… _Still asking him to get some - SH _

_You never will learn Sherlock- MRS.H _

**WELL THIS IS PREEETTTYYYY SHORT BUT THEY ARE GETTING LONGER. THANK YOU FOR ALL REVIEWS!**__


	9. Chapter 9

**Hello! Thank you for reviews! And I'm really sorry for the dodgy underlining on the last chapter my computer had a spam and died then saved really badly, so sorry. Thanks again X **

_**Texts between and at 5.01pm 10**__**th**__** march **_

_Mycroft! The bloody drugs bust team is at my house!- SH _

_ahhh yes I sent them round to check up on you- MH _

_YOU! *A*STA*D ******* %*&^%* *&^%"""$%^&**^r%%^&**%££"!%^v- SH _

_Now dear, calm down it no need to take that tone of voice with me- MH _

_WHY ? I Have been perfectly civil over the last 24hrs, and haven't shot At the wall since Tuesday and I haven't blown up any microwaves or been kicked out of the electrical appliances store, and before you ask it was a simple misunderstanding between me and the manager of the currys outlet- SH _

_He was in the wrong, that laptop already had the hole in it I had nothing to do with it at all apart from dropping it on the floor. - SH _

_I SWEAR DOWN ON MORIARTY'S LIFE - SH _

_Isn't that the man who tried to kill you? - MH _

_Yes - SH _

_SO. In other words you did get in to a fight with the manager of currys and broke the laptop- MH_

_HIS HEAD BROKE IT!- SH _

_Oh lord you smashed a laptop over a mans head- MH _

_HIS HEAD CONTINENTLY HIT THE LAPTOP RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE AND HE WAS RENDER UNCONSCIOUS AND I HAD TO FIND A MEDICAL MAN WHICH WAS JOHN SO I CAME HOME HE WASN'T THEIR SO I THOUGHT SOME ONE MUST HAVE FOUND HIM BY THEN SO I SAT DOWN AND DID A SUDUKO, NOTHING WRONG AT ALL- SH_

_Of course it wasn't your fault - MH _

_Thank you! Some one understand at last! Even the skull said it was my fault- SH_

_OH! You found the skull- MH_

_YES mrs Hudson has a terrible imagination it was in her pantry as normal that's hiding space 2 hiding space is the waste paper basket in the hall, space 3 is my wardrobe and number 4 is in johns rooms air vent - SH _

_Your getting good a this - MH _

_TOO GOOD- MH _

_MYCROFT THEY BROKE MY VIOLIN! YOU *%S%ARD! I MEAN IT GET THEM OUT OF MY FLAT. NOW . I MEAN IT. I WILL DO SOMETHING YOU WILL REGRET. - SH_

_Like?- MH _

_This . - SH _

_WHERE HAS MY PICTURE GONE! - MH _

_TOLD YOU SO!- SH_

_GET IT BACK!- MH _

_TA RA!- SH _

_Damn you- MH_

_Sorry old chap! don't know what you mean pictures. What pictures?-SH_

_Get them back now.- MH _

_Pardon- SH _

_Fine two can play at this game- MH _

_WHAT! YOU TOLD THE BLOODY OFFICERS TO TAKE MY SKULL!-SH _

_Pardon, don't know what you mean- MH_

_I HATE YOU-SH _

_Love you too- MH _

**Fin.**

**Thank you for reviews and bye bye.**

***-* ^-^ 0-o and =] **


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